I recently (yesterday) wrote a post called “Habits” and I received a suggestion from thepurpledreamer on a way to combat some of the negative thoughts that sneak up out of habit to ruin my day, my mood, and my self esteem.
Her suggestion was to compile a list of all the things that are good about me. In my own words, the things that make me enough. I’ll be honest and say, I am a little nervous about writing this. Because as I sit here, there aren’t very many qualities or things about myself that I like well enough to consider putting down. And that makes me realize I have a much bigger problem than I was aware of at first.
So, what do I think makes me enough? Maybe not great, or even good, but enough.
I am educated. I have a bachelor’s degree in Chemistry and I worked very hard for it. It’s something I am proud of myself for sticking with and seeing through. I originally did not want to go to college at all, but I stuck it out for 5 years and completed a bachelor’s degree and a double minor. One minor in Anthropology and one in Mathematics.
I am stubborn. This doesn’t seem like it would be considered a good thing, but this is what got my degree. I was determined to get it and too stubborn to change my major to something easier even though chemistry was hard for me. Another thing being stubborn has helped me accomplish is losing 100+ pounds. It didn’t help my body image or the way I think about myself, but my body is healthier nonetheless and that’s a plus.
I am loyal. This one seems self explanatory so I won’t bore anyone with why I feel like this can be added to the list.
I am sensitive. This one is as much a fault as it is a strength I think. I can empathize with a lot of people in a lot of different scenarios and I have a lot of love to give to anyone who might happen to need some. However, I also feel VERY deeply. Everything. And that can hurt me.
I love. Deeply. Truly. Always.
It’s so sad to me that while trying to compile a list of things that I like about myself, all I can do is think about all the things I don’t like. I can’t find any good things to focus on, because I keep talking myself out of putting them on the list. Maybe when I update this list, or I am having a better day in the future it will grow or I will feel like I have more positive attributes. Unfortunately today is not that day.
Thanks for reading.