Expectations

I have been with Bobby for several years now. A lot of things are wonderful, but there are some things that are just really frustrating. I think it’s part of a relationship to be frustrated occasionally and I understand his family is a little unconventional, but I have several expectations and I am waiting, not so patiently anymore, for them to be met.

I don’t feel like I ask for a lot. I haven’t pushed for us to get married. I haven’t pressured him about public commitments, but there are some things that I want from him that I haven’t been able to get just yet.

His mother and father divorced when he was young. Maybe 3 or 4 years old. And it was a BITTER divorce. Lot’s of anger and hatred that two small kids didn’t need to see but did. They are both remarried now and much happier with their new families.

Bobby is much closer to his mother than his father and it is definitely showing right about now. Since we have been publically dating, which in all actuality hasn’t been that long, we have been invited to do several things with his father’s side of the family. We haven’t gone to any of them.

I realize he is closer to his mother, and I know that because of the bitterness of the divorce that he worries about spending any sort of time with his father for fear his mother will find out and get upset. And yes, she has done that many times before.. It’s sad to me that she has that much anger still even though she has been remarried for 20 or so years now.

But with all of the anger and bitterness it’s caused problems for me and Bobby. We haven’t seen his father or any of his father’s family in months, and I have only met his father’s family once when my sister was getting married. My twin is married to Bobby’s older brother.

We have now been invited to a Memorial Day celebration with his father’s side of the family. He says we probably won’t be going. Again. I am just so.. disappointed. Frustrated. I feel like maybe it’s my fault? And then I think well, maybe it isn’t, he hasn’t been super close to his father’s side for years, but it still really sucks.

Is it wrong of me to want to go? To want to meet and be accepted by his WHOLE family? I hear a lot of great things about them from my sister, she loves them all, but I feel like they probably think I am a flake. Sometimes he says we will go to events or functions, then we end up not going. I hate when he does that to me.

I don’t think he realizes how much it hurts my feelings, and I don’t have a good way to talk to him about it without losing my temper. I feel like he doesn’t want to go because he is embarrassed of me. I know that’s probably an irrational fear, but it’s still there in my brain anyways. He tells me I am beautiful. Brings me flowers. Takes me out. But not to family functions with his father’s family. We spend a lot of time with his mother’s side. But not his father’s.

Any advice for me on coping with this? Talking to him about it? Just accepting things the way they are?

Is it wrong to feel this way? Because it feels wrong. It feels like I should just be happy that he loves me and takes such good care of me. But I want more. I want to be included in all aspects of his life.

Is it wrong to have expectations like this?

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