What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

It never really hit me just how big Bobby’s family was until we started to get really serious. You know, the whole, meeting everyone, talking about marriage, etc.

I have now discovered that with the mom and stepdad, mom’s family, stepdad’s family, father and stepmom, father’s family, stepmom’s family, half- and step-siblings and their families, the cousins, the aunt’s, uncle’s.. There is literally something happening all the time.

Just this week I got a call about a baby shower, for a half-sister and her husband. We also just went to a family breakfast for his dad’s family, we were invited to a half-sibling’s getaway a few weekends ago, they do a big family reunion for his father’s family every year or two..

I love to go to and throw parties, especially when there are a lot of people involved, but his family makes me exceptionally nervous. I haven’t met a lot of them, due to them being so spread out across the state and country, then there is the fact that until very recently they weren’t sure I was in this for the long haul. Add in that he works out of town/state for 3-4 weeks a month with just a few days off every now and again and it makes things difficult.

I am nervous they won’t like me when they do get around to meeting me just due to the fact that it’s taken so long to meet them. Bobby isn’t exactly super social in the first place and it’s hard for me to convince him we need to socialize with his family when he is in town because he likes to be at home.

I don’t entirely blame him for that. I am almost always busy. Running around during the week for work or fun, then on weekends, especially when he is home, I pack it all in. I go outside and do activities, go rock climbing, or spend time with my own family. He is a total homebody and I respect that he likes to be at the house, but I admit, it gets hard for me to be nice about his lack of social want sometimes.

Bobby and I have been together for almost 4 years (4 in December.. ish) and we are just now getting around to introductions to his extended family. I have had to have some really long talks to him, especially lately, when social events come up with his extended family. I don’t think he realizes that his lack of social want makes me feel poorly about myself.

I feel like he has kept me in the dark, I know it probably wasn’t intentional but, that’s how I feel. Like I am an embarrassment to him and he doesn’t want to show me off or even introduce me to anyone because of that.

Now, for some background on why I feel like this… Before he dated me, he always dated very thin, very lovely girls. I am neither of those things. I have accepted that I probably won’t ever be. But I am getting healthier every day and I think I am getting to be better with age as far as my looks go.

The girl he was dating not too long before me went to the big family reunion with him. They only dated for a total of 3 or 4 months. We’ve been together that many years and I still haven’t met half the people she has, let alone gone to one of the reunions. Granted he hasn’t gone to any either but.. when you look at it that way it makes sense to feel like an embarrassment right? Am I crazy?

I feel like sometimes I can come across as needy for wanting to know his family, his whole family. But I also don’t think we should be talking about marriage this seriously if he isn’t ever planning to introduce me!

Don’t get me wrong, the amount of people to meet and try to keep up with is intimidating to say the least, but I would still like the chance to take that on.

That being said though, I think I will also have to come to terms with the fact that, with that many people, there will ALWAYS be something going on. Baby showers, weddings, birthdays, births, graduations, celebrations.. Am I ready for that?

Am I ready for the commitment that comes with having a family this big? Am I ready for him to not be present at all of the events? Can I go on my own? What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t like them? What if he hasn’t introduced me because he thinks they won’t like me? Or because he’s embarrassed? What if I never meet them?

Have I lost my mind? What have I gotten myself into?

 

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