So, today I one of those days that comes around every once in awhile and you just kinda look at it and think.. WHY!?
Today has been awful.
And that has really got me down. Like.. below the basement, subway systems, maybe past the Earth’s core.. I am deep into the darkness today.
I hate feeling this way. Like I screwed everything up. I do a really good job most days, today just didn’t happen to be one of them. However, even knowing that, has not stopped my thought processes on how much today sucks. Or how bad things around me are. Or even worse, how bad they are BECAUSE of me.
Today was a big day for my office, internal audit. Did we have any major findings? Nope! We as an office overall are great! But the majority of the little things found, granted they are all found by the same person, someone who just so happens to make my life hard, are my fault.
I don’t feel like I can do anything right. I was so down about the berating I received from her that I started to look at other job options, until it hit me, if I am messing up here with months (years) of training, then I will most definitely mess up there. Do I want to force someone else to have to deal with me and my lack of professional know-how? Is that fair?
So, here I sit. At my office computer, trying not to cry while writing about the lack of knowledge I really do possess in regards to my position. I feel about as useful as rain underwater.
Which in short is, not useful at all.
That’s what I am today. That’s how I feel today.
I have fought these feelings before, and today looks like another day to do battle.
Too bad I don’t feel like fighting today.
Until next time.