Fear 16. Failing

Oh lord, here I am behind again. I am only on Fear 16, when my 25th birthday is in 15 days.

Behind. Again.

And what a perfect day for this fear to be out here after my post yesterday.

Failing.

Failing at what? Everything.

That’s my fear.

Failing at my job.

Failing at my relationship.

Failing at my finances.

Failing at my fitness plan.

Failing in general.

There are so many things that I could fail at. And I feel like it’s a constant battle to not fail at one, let alone all of them.

I don’t feel like I have the capacity to stop from failing at this point..

Because it feels like that’s all I am able to do. I’ve been failing daily. These battles are getting harder and harder to fight.

I am slowly running out of self-esteem. I am slowly running out of energy. Out of the will to keep fighting.

I am feeling really down today so this fear feels like it’s really happening right now. It doesn’t just feel like a fear anymore. It feels like reality.

This feels like my life.

Doomed to fail for the rest of forever.

Oh lord.. looking back at this post all I can think is that this is one of the more depressing posts I have written.

Here’s to hoping this fear is just feeling like a mountain instead of a molehill today.

Fingers crossed this fear doesn’t overwhelm me.

Today or any other day.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Fear 16. Failing

  1. Hey sis, read psalm 124 and thanks Him. You are in his care. Last week I was saying the same things. Failed at being a dad, a husband, a man, a brother, a son, an employee, a Christian, a preacher and any other role I have tried to take on…..which led to me starting to say worse things like “I wish I had never been born”…but then my wife cut me off as the words were coming out my mouth and she said with such force–“STOP SAYING THAT!!”
    We do have a choice what we say and we can speak in line with God’s thoughts of us. We can.
    bless you Bria

    Liked by 1 person

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