Well here we go then, I was trying to do everything in order and turns out I missed this one.
This one isn’t a big surprise if you have read any of the rest of mine. And I guess it kind of makes sense that I missed this one and got it all out of order.
Being a disappointment.
There are so many ways that this can be interpreted.
I am constantly in fear of being a let down. To my parents. To Bobby. To my bosses. To my family. To myself.
I often feel like I am a consistent disappointment.
I don’t ever feel like I am at the weight I need to be at, or that I am functioning at the level I need to be functioning at. I feel like I fail constantly.
I feel like I am always letting someone down. Mostly myself.
I don’t ever feel like I am good enough.
Personal problem? Or Fear? I don’t know. But it sure feels like a fear.
No one wants to feel like a constant failure.
Even with therapy for several years, this remains a consistent fear for me.
Maybe some day it will dissipate or maybe even go away entirely.
But not today.