Fear 15. Being a Disappointment

Well here we go then, I was trying to do everything in order and turns out I missed this one.

This one isn’t a big surprise if you have read any of the rest of mine. And I guess it kind of makes sense that I missed this one and got it all out of order.

Being a disappointment.

There are so many ways that this can be interpreted.

I am constantly in fear of being a let down. To my parents. To Bobby. To my bosses. To my family. To myself.

I often feel like I am a consistent disappointment.

I don’t ever feel like I am at the weight I need to be at, or that I am functioning at the level I need to be functioning at. I feel like I fail constantly.

I feel like I am always letting someone down. Mostly myself.

I don’t ever feel like I am good enough.

Personal problem? Or Fear? I don’t know. But it sure feels like a fear.

No one wants to feel  like a constant failure.

Even with therapy for several years, this remains a consistent fear for me.

Maybe some day it will dissipate or maybe even go away entirely.

But not today.


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