Weight Struggles

So I have been REALLY struggling here lately to get on any sort of diet band wagon. I work out a lot, and I have a consistent weight, but it’s not the weight I want to be at. And I am having a really hard time finding any sort of motivation to work on my weight.

I have always struggled with my weight, and with my feelings about my weight. I get motivated, then I lose my motivation. It’s always been a see-saw kind of relationship with my motivation. And right now I am on the downward side of that see-saw.

I don’t like where I am on the scale, I don’t like what my body looks like in the mirror, I don’t like how I feel about myself when I can’t stop eating sweets.. but I can’t seem to make the necessary changes in my lifestyle to get things under control.

I feel like I am lacking the right motivating factor to get myself in check. But the problem is, I don’t know what motivating factor I need..

I keep telling myself I am going to bet better about my snacking. Be better about my meals. Be better about what I am putting into my body. I know I want to get married at a smaller, healthier, more fit size than I am right now, but I feel like Bobby is dragging his feet about getting married and it is having a pretty negative affect on me.

I wish I could say that if we set a date it would be easier for me, but I don’t honestly know if that’s true. I FEEL like it is, that I could lose weight or at least be healthier if I knew when I needed to have my weight lost by but.. this is the hardest thing for me.

So, I started this post a couple of days ago.. I thought maybe looking back on it, it would change my mind or thoughts about things, but already this morning I ate a gigantic cinnamon roll and last night I had a giant cheeseburger and a slice of pizza so.. I have apparently not hit food rock bottom. I don’t know what else is going to need to happen here to get myself back on board with a diet..

I haven’t been to a weight watchers meeting in about a month and I haven’t even tracked any of my food in weeks.. I think I am going to try to start back over on Thursday (tomorrow) when my points and whatnot get reset for the week. I just need to stay strong this week. If I can make it a week, I can make it two weeks, then another week, and eventually a month, another month, and another month after that until I get myself back on track.

I know I want to be smaller. I know I want to see another number on the scale. I want to be in a wedding dress no matter what size it comes in and just look beautiful. But I can’t seem to get on that track..

Does anyone have any inspiration for me? Any ideas on how to make this work out? I don’t know what else to do now.

Fingers crossed to getting back on track soon. I need it. For me.

Until then, thank you for hanging around.

 

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